Don't Worry, Be Happy

This semester is my first semester in architecture major. I had to put through with this whole deadlines and killer essays after another. Surprisingly, the heavy thing was not how I have to sacrifice sleep, be on duty for hours, or postpone my social life. It was how to manage stress and feelings through series of busy days.

Stress is bad news for health, ya know?

Two days ago I went to see psychologist because I had problem with procrastinating. Mine was very bad that I can safely say I've never turned in finished assignment for both studios (design and construction). That's the weird thing... only studios and never class assignment. Why was that? Not because of given range of time, I can assure you.

Turned out, the problem was not procrastinating at all. It was psychosomatic disorder that had been going on for years! She said that my mental strain translates to physical pain whenever adrenaline rush in. After all these time accused of faking sickness, someone actually said my body was right. The headache was real, the stomachache was too. It happened not because I fabricated those in order to stop working. Those were actually there... hindering progress as I tried to work in swim or sink situation.

Stopping for pain relieve is not procrastinating.
Stopping for pain relieve is natural for everyone.

All of this pain was coming from chaotic mental state. So yeah, the situation was inevitable for my current state. In order to fix this problem, I have to reprogram the one who generates mental state: the subconscious mind. Mrs. Shanty said that it can be overwritten if it fed with new tendency. How? I was told to cut every train of thought that makes me hyper-anxious. In other words, I have to redirect thoughts that is automatically thrown by the subconscious mind. In other words, I have to actively steer my thought out of harm. In other words, my conscious mind is fighting my subconscious mind. In other words...... I am flagging a war toward my old self. Ugh.

This isn't easy.... but not impossible to do.
Let's see how much I can do in a month.

An assignment that have to be turned in January 21st

...Yes, we already made an appointment next month orz
Not that I have something against this... it's just...... my wallet is screaming.