Downtime

I wish I talk coherent 
I wish I remember better
I wish I can multitask
I wish I am confident
I wish I am not shy
I wish I am less distracted
I wish I am more expressive
I wish I am an extrovert

I wish I wish I wish
Dear God, I did my best but there are things that cannot be changed.
If it is supposed to be that way, please explain the purpose of my existent.
Thank You.
........................................................................................................................
My friend said I *should* be a division leader in Syukuran Wisuda this year.
While she is a professional event organizer, believable judge of character...
I dismissed it lightly, saying "No" to her...
"Tight schedule those months; not enough experience with massive crowd."    
Reeaaally? Was I thinking clearly, or just plain coward?
...Just whatever, thanks for the honorable mention.